Getting Back Into A Rhythm Of Being DreamWard Bound

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I feel like I am getting back into being dreamward bound. My schedule is filled up with meet-ups directed towards my creative life. I am painting every month with a friend. I am writing/ editing with another friend every other week. Reading articles and tips about acting almost every day during breaks from work. I am also starting to work on getting my wardrobe audition ready. This means that I am trying to buy more professional looking clothes instead of just t-shirts and jeans. I am also getting back into shape and went back to BJJ for the first time in about a month.

Yes, after a hard time of being so busy, stressed, and drained my life if back on track. It may even be more on track than before. I at least feel more thankful and blessed now, which causes a greater happiness. Basically what I am trying to say is that life is good after a stressed out and draining month or two.

The only thing that is not so great is that it is taking longer for this site to be transferred over to HostGator’s servers, which means it is taking longer to get everything configured how I would like it and set up revenue.  Also, since I thought my site was going to be transferred over this week I did not want to post/ write things that may disappear if something went wrong.

That being said I only wrote my weekly writing prompt post.

Bubbling up

poetry

What joy is this;
What feeling of total bliss?
My excitement is bubbling up
I’m sorry but I just have to do it.
I have to shout out loud,
squeak and squawk.
There is no controlling
not this joy
not when a life was saved
and miracle was shown.

Can you contain a firework
after it explodes?
Can you hide the sun
once it rises?
Why than would you think,
could you believe,
that I could hide my thankful heart?

My heart is those fireworks
with the light of the sun
shining out my love.
The news of true life
sparked the explosion
and lit the happy fuse.

What is this joy?
Why am I in total bliss?
Because love came
and gave a miracle
by answering a prayer.

Double sided (Poem like writing)

writing

Do you ever feel your other side; the side that you try to hide? Do you ever try to push it down lower, because that is not the side you want shown? Do you ever wish to get rid of the part of you that should not have any part of you? And do you feel like that side, that part, could create a whole other you?

I once wrote, “I am Jekyll, but there is a Hyde.” I thought I got rid of that side, but in fact it just ran to hide. You see I am me and who I want to be. I am happy to love and love to be happy. I wish to be the sunshine in anyone’s day and want to try to see a smile on another person’s face. I am Jekyll but there is a Hyde, who hides.

She comes creeping out when I forget that she exists. When the sun is shining and my heart is filled she comes out to remind me of all the things that went wrong, scratching at the surface of my pain and playing with my fears. Reminding me with daydreams of the perfect man and the future that may never be. Wanting me to take an easier way with wider possibilities.

She forces me to look deep inside of me into the dark places that I have forgotten about, but where she lives. Like a vampire this other part of my sucks my joy and my identity away, trying to make me keep her out. She wants to play. She wants to drag others down with her, so that she can say that every one is sad and no one wants to be around.

I turn away from this darker side of me. She is not who I want to be. I do not want to worry about a future that may never be or focus on the fears that only scare. I do not want to work for nothing and live a zombie like life. No I want to be the happy version of me. The version that hears the laughter of friends and the love of family. I want to be the one striving and working towards my goals, not just sitting wasting my life.

The question remains. Do you ever feel your other side; the side that you try to hide? Do you ever try to push it down lower, because that is not the side you want shown? Do you ever wish to get rid of the part of you that should not have any part of you? And do you feel like that side, that part, could create a whole other you? I do.

DreamWard Bound ( August 16 to the 23rd)

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I want to take a minute to be real. I want this blog to be an honest portrayal of my journey to reaching all my major goals and all the little ones to get there.

Now I have big dreams that are far away and hard to reach for. Sometimes I don’t believe I will ever get there, other times I am so sure that it is a matter of time. Still either way I am thinking I fight on and this week was a fight. I did not want to do anything; I did not want to live the life I am living. Also, all week I felt and well still feel like something is going to change. Something is going to happen in my life, mostly because of the feelings of I can’t continue on the path I am on.

Even with feeling this fight inside of me (the fight for my future) I pushed on. I decided that the one channel on YouTube is not enough, mostly because I am crazy. I was stressed with the load I had, so let’s throw more work on it. Still I think this will help people, because even though I am still on the journey towards my goals and dreams I know there are other people who haven’t even started yet.

Also, even though I did not want to do anything and I seriously was fighting just to be myself, I went to the gym three times (four times if you include today in the week). This is because of my goal to lose weight. I am realizing though I will need to do more than going to the gym four times a week. My goal is to lose 30 lbs and so I have not lost anything in these two weeks, so that is discouraging. I’m still going to push myself and work out.

I am still trying and working towards my dreams, even though it is hard. I am on the road to my dreams, even though they are far. I am pushing forward, even though I do not want to. I wish I could stop some times, but that is not in me. I need to stay on this road and fight for my dreams, because I am done just going with the flow of life and finally am living for all that I can be. It is a hard thing and it I feel like I am swimming up-stream I would gladly swim again the current because it will make every success that much better. Each goal that is this hard to reach will be so worth it.

Struggle makes your goals worth the fight.

 

Things I fought to create this week.

Sped up Painting (post)

Sped up logo Painting (YouTube)

It’s a Poem

Dear Past Self

Voice

Past Never My Future

 

Past never my Future

writing

I can see what people search for when they find my blog, or what they search for to find my blog. Today I saw a very cool sentence that I am sure is from something, but I’m not sure what it is from. I am going to use it as a writing prompt for this post. The quote is. “you can only narrate my past but you can never write my future.” 

I hope you enjoy.

You can narrate my past.
Please do,
and tell me all the things I went through.
Speak the words that you believe
the words that will add up to my story.
How do you see my life?
How will you narrate my past?

I ask you to narrate my past,
but you can never write my future.
I myself can only plan the unseen.
I do not write my story,
so you cannot either.
Let the future be
and tell me all about what has been.

Yes, You can narrate my past
but you can never write my future.
You can tell me my story,
but will not be able to force the unseen.

I’m DreamWard Bound (August 9th to the 16th)

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I’m feeling good with how my week turned out. I wrote poems and posted videos this week. I also joined a gym that is near my house today. Things seem to be going well for me as I sit and write this blog. I mean I was a bit drained and stressed from work along with everything else by Friday, but playing Pathfinder with my friends helped that. I was able to relax and be a bit crazy. It amazes me sometimes how much laughter can help wash the week’s stress away.

I am super excited about the ideas for this coming week and the fact that I will really be starting on my fitness goal. I also have a few poems brewing in my mind that are asking to be shared with you. I will share the new poems with you unless there are explosions around me, which I do not foresee happening.

Yes, I am in  a weirder mood as I update you on this week and a bit all over the place. I may not be stressed from the week any more, but that does not mean that I am not thinking about everything going on whether it is something random or otherwise. I have many plans and many ideas floating around in my mind. I am still not sure how to do everything I want to do, but I at least know what I can do for the time being.

I should write more and tell you more about my week. I am being a space shot though and so very easily distracted that I will just leave you with a list of things I did this week. At other points in the week I will write more about my journey and life.

Writings:

Poem for Robin Williams

Why? (A Poem)

Crumble Down (a poem)

Stay (a Poem)

Windmill 

Connecting with a Character (write-up)

Videos:

Robin Williams’ Monody poem

poetry

Monody

A monody is a poem in which one person laments another’s death, as in Tennyson’s Break, Break, Break, or Wordsworth’s She Dwelt Among the Untrodden Ways. (Also see Dirge, Elegy, Epitaph)

I have put this one off for a while. Honestly, I’ve put all the structure poems off for a few weeks, now. With Robin Williams’ passing I thought I would write one to honor him. He was one of my favorite actors and I know I am not alone. 

Laughter and Smiles
Fill the room
when your voice fills the air
Now only recorded
now only memories.
There are so many memories
of stand up
of comedy
and of moments meant to move.
With a voice meant to change
with every character
with every scene.

You were a light
you were comedy
you were a hug in a movie form
a smile when I needed one.
You touch my heart
and lightened my soul.

Now a legend
Now I hope you find your bliss.
Lay in rest
be at peace
and know you are missed.

Why? (A Poem)

poetry

Why
Is my heart breaking;
Can I not see the light?
Why
have I lost hope;
Can I not feel the love?
Where is this lost feeling,
this void of hope;
where is this twisted feeling coming from?

Did I not laugh today,
was that a dream?
Did the sun not shine today
and did I not wake again?

Why
is my heart breaking;
is my mood so low?
Why
have I lost my hope
Do I not know which way to go?
Has my path darkened?
Have I lost my way?
Can you tell me?
I need to know.

Did I not see a baby smile
or hear my friends’ laughter?
Was there no jokes today
and did I not enjoy work?
Did the sun not shine today
and I not wake again?

Why
is my heart breaking;
do I feel alone?
Why
have I lost my hope;
can I not figure out?
Where can I find the hole that is inside
What fell out
How do I get it back in?

I guess it is simply one of those nights
after a wonderful day
when the night is darker
and my eyes are heavier.
I guess it is simply one of those nights
when I ask why
knowing the next dawn will be brighter.

This poem was written Wednesday night, after I hung out with a few friends and had a generally good day. I was happy most of it and then on the car ride home I started to think. My mind went off on its own and I wound up feeling a bit depressed by the time I pulled into my driveway. I decided to write as an outlet and to figure out where the feelings were coming from. By the end of the poem I realized it was just me being tired and thinking about everything I have to do.

It is simply one of those nights where I need to go to bed and know everything will be better in the morning.

I hope you enjoyed reading and let me know what you think. Also if you need help, advice, or just someone to talk to, please let me know. I am always willing to help and listen. 

Crumble Down (a poem)

poetry

When I build me up
I crumble down
and feel nothingness surround.
When I build me up
I forget to stand
and fall to the earth’s sand.
Crumbling and falling
I can not survive
Forgetting you breath
forgetting you live inside.
My strength and hope
my way and life.
I forget
I crumble down
so you can stand out
I do not stand on the sand
because you push me to your rock.

I will remember to crumble down
only to your will,
so that your love with stand.
I will stand aside
knowing you are my rock
so that your hope will shine bright.

Yes, I will crumble down
be pushed aside,
so love, hope and mercy can survive.

 

I have realized lately that I have felt this weird crumbling emotion towards my life, as if I am not in control of my life. I know I am not in complete control of my life, but people like to think they are. I want to believe what I am doing with my life means something and that my life is mine. Well, I realized on Sunday at church that the reason I felt lost and a crumbling of myself in my life is because since I am a follower of Jesus my life is not my own. I love Jesus and have given my life to him. This means I work  with the gifts and talents God has given me to spread his love, hope and truth. 

I started to write this poem (in my mind) as  an expression of  loosing myself and not feeling right. As I actually wrote it down though, I realized why I had that feeling and turned it into a poem for God.

I hope you enjoy this and please let me know what you think.

Stay (A Poem)

poetry

Can I give you strength?

Will you run away

If I tell you I love you

If I build you up

will you stay?

How can I help you

How can I help you grow

If I do what will happen

If I lend a helping hand

Will you show me that you care?

I really do hope I can help

I really do hope you will stay.

 

At the Windmill (a poem)

poetryThere is a little cafe near my house that I believe I am becoming a regular at. Today I went by myself and had breakfast. I decided to write a little as I waited. This is one of the poems I wrote while enjoying their food. It really is a great place.

With painted wall,

warm and inviting

art hangs welcoming guest

saying be who you are

do what you will

and enjoy the good that is served

 

With the sky on the ceiling

bright and pleasing

curtains hang to welcome guest

saying come near or far

do what you will

and enjoy the food that is served

 

So I write and dream

sitting in the corner so I can watch

the couples eat

The students study

and an other lone female reading the paper

I sit, watch and writing

doing what I will

and enjoying the food that is served.

Connecting with a Character

I just recorded a video that talks about connecting with a character. I had written everything out, but I did not memorize what I wrote so the video is a bit different. I wanted to make sure I shared both though, because I believe they both have value.

First here is what I wrote. The video is below the write up.

The steps towards my goals I want to talk about is connecting with a character. It is something that I believe an actor has to do to portray a character justly. Something needs to snap in place and you the actor has to feel right with the character you have to fully get the character you are portraying.

I have struggled with this as you can see in my precious videos or at least I can see it in the stated songs and poetry readings I’ve done. Something just wasn’t clicking, the character I was trying be were just words. They had no life to them.

Well this week at my improv group a character clicked with me. I really feel like I did the character justice even if it was a silly improv game. I still made that connection, which has been a while since I could say that.

Thinking about it I wonder if I just haven’t realized it at improv before or if it’s growth. Either way it is a boost of confidence for me and reassurance that I can act. I just need to find the character in the words and figure out how to bring the scripted ones to life.

 

DreamWard Bound (July 2 to the 9th)

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This week again was focused on my move and settling in. I was able to find time to write and post a couple of poems and found an extra poetry reading that I edited together and posted on YouTube. I believe I am mostly unpacked and settled, so my life should get back to normal. Of course I now have to redefine my normal since it’s been almost 8 months since I’ve been unpacked, in my own space and had a desk to work at. I’m foreseeing more productivity, which I am happy about.

I also feel like I can focus on more of my goals that I had outlined in a much earlier post. I have the publish one post and one video a week down, which was my first goal. I also added to the posts and am now trying to publish one poem a day, so seven poems a week. I am still working on getting that down, especially since I went on vacation, then moved.

One of the two goals that I am adding on is getting my weight down to 150 pounds in 15 weeks, so almost 4 months. If I do I will give myself $60 to spoil myself with, most likely a massage. If  I don’t I will give that $60 to someone else. I am planning on joining a gym that is near my new home, so hopefully that will help. It should also help that the guys at my work are getting in shape or working out, also.

The second goal that I’m going to focus on is my novel. I was thinking that I would just wait until my six months of publishing posts and videos goal was met and then really focus on my novel again. However, now that I have my own desk and space to actually edit and take notes I am thinking I can work on it now. This way when my six month goal is met it can really be a weekend with no responsibilities.

All this means that you will be hearing more about exercise and editing. These are two things I have been putting off since they are not my favorite things to do. I mean I love writing and being creative. I really love to act and be immersed in poetry. I love being creative and bettering my life. These things I like doing, but there is the work side that comes from bettering your life and being creative. In order to better your life when it comes to being an artist you need to be healthy, grow in your creativity and edit your work in order for them to be exactly what you want them to be.  This means I will actually have to do the work side of things more and you will be hearing about it.

I think that is enough babble for today. Here is the list of the few things I did this week. Click the links, reading/ watch and let m know what you think. Also thank you for reading this and any post you read. I really am grateful for any and all your support.

Never repeat (a YouTube video)

Writing process

Fantasies

Yes, it is really short.

Writing Process (a free verse poem)

poetry

Poetry comes out
with my eyes closed
when sleep in near;
brilliant poems flow
when paper is far
and repeating is not enough.
Wisdom and intelligence overwhelm me
when the only outlet is to speak it to myself
or when no one is listening.

Yet when I open my eyes
words fly away
like fading dreams they fly.
The poetry inside is trapped
like a rat in a house unable to be freed
as soon as the paper is in reach.
I open my mouth when some is around
and only babble spews out.

So I write with my eyes closed,
freeing my poems from the paper trap
and write when no on is around
with the quiet of my mind.

Delayed DreamWard Bound

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Hello readers,

This post is about 2 days late. I thought I would be able to find time to write this weekend, but I moved and could not find the time. It was a extremely full weekend of Ikea, packing up my car and unloading before packing it up and unloading again. We are moved into our place now and some how unpacking the mountain of boxes, while we figure out how it’s all going to fit.

Before the move I kept forgetting about, postponing packing or just ignoring the fact that I had this life change happening.  Since I was not productive with the move until the weekend I was able to do a bunch of things. The main thing is that I published a boat load of YouTube videos.

After a week of publishing the videos I am thinking that it would still be best to at least have a week’s video post here. That way I am sure every one who is supporting me can see all of my art. I will start doing that this coming Saturday.

Here is the list of Poetry readings I published on YouTube.

Prayer in a Poem

2 Haiku Poems

Poems and Memories

Bird or Fish

Hold Tight

Dreams Fighting Reality

I also wrote a few poems, so here is some more links to click.

Change

Art

Where Happiness Hides

The Sun Shines.

Let me know what you think about all this stuff and of course thank you for reading and supporting me.

 

 

Change (A free styling poem)

poetry

Where are the people like me?
Who can just sit and be
Where are the people who want to change the world
with their words and their actions?
I ask and I search
for I need to learn how.

How do I stand when I want to shrink?
How do I stare down problems instead of blink?
Where are the people who want to change the world
with their words and their actions?
One day I will know I will know
I just need to breath and take steps.

Does this search make me weak?
Because it is strength that I seek?
No, I am searching for the people
that want to change the world
with their words and their actions?
I’m searching for knowledge
and I’m looking for change

So I just found a few poets on YouTube that talked straight from the heart. The channels I found them on were Button Poetry and Poet nation. I was moved and wanted to write. I just reread this poem and it seems like their voices bled through.

What do you think? Let me know and thank you for reading.

Art (a Nonet poem )

poetry

Nonet

A nonet has nine lines. The first line has nine syllables, the second line eight syllables, the third line seven syllables, etc… until line nine finishes with one syllable. It can be on any subject and rhyming is optional.

line 1 – 9 syllables
line 2 – 8 syllables
line 3 – 7 syllables
line 4 – 6 syllables
line 5 – 5 syllables
line 6 – 4 syllables
line 7 – 3 syllables
line 8 – 2 syllables
line 9 – 1 syllables

 

Why must I do this thing I called art?
Is there a to stop once you start?
I think the answer is no
like love it for sure grows
with no stopping point
which brings joy
Love is art?
indeed
yes

I liked doing this type. I found a syllable counter. Once I had that tool it was really fun to create a count-down poem. 

Let me know what you think and if you like it click the like button and I’ll do a poetry reading of it. 

Also THANK YOU for reading my blog.

Where Happiness does hide. (a Monorhyme poem)

poetry

Monorhyme

A Monorhyme is a poem in which all the lines have the same end rhyme.

This should be easy.

My brain is fried
so I must look for a guide
To take me to the other side
where happiness does hide
I know the valley seems wide
but I am sure we can reach the other side
I have not heard of any one who has died,
so put aside your pride
and be my guide
so that I can find
a way to the other side
where I know happiness does hide,
for I have not lied
my brain is truly fried
and must have a guide
to help me to the other side
where happiness does hide.

Yeah, I repeated myself with the happiness does hide, but it rhymes and my brain really is fried. 

Let me know what you think and thank you for reading.

The Sun Shines (a Kyrielle poem)

poetry
Kyrielle
A Kyrielle is a French form of rhyming poetry written in quatrains (a stanza consisting of 4 lines), and each quatrain has a repeating line or phrase as a refrain (usually appearing as the last line of each stanza). Each line within the poem consists of only eight syllables. There is no limit to the amount of stanzas a Kyrielle may have, but three is considered the accepted minimum.
Some popular rhyming schemes for a Kyrielle are: aabB, ccbB, ddbB, with B being the repeated line, or abaB, cbcB, dbdB.
Mixing up the rhyme scheme is possible for an unusual pattern of: axaZ, bxbZ, cxcZ, dxdZ, etc. with Z being the repeated line.
The rhyme pattern is completely up to the poet.

 I dream of life worth living
one with a crazy love worth having
Where there is ice cream everyday
And the sun shines the gloom away

Is there such a life like that,
where you be relaxed like a cat
sitting in the sun for the day
And the sun shines the gloom away.

I could be happy how I am
smiling with joy at how I am
I don’t have to wait for one day
and the sun shines the gloom away.

DreamWard Bound (week of July 19- July26)

success

As I start to wake up on this Sunny Saturday I’m finding it hard to get out of bed. It’s not because I don’t want to do this the things I am going to do today. I am plan on recording seven poetry readings and two original monologues, that I will be able to post during the week. I am plan to buy a new camcorder today, as a reward for meeting my goal of a weekly video and blog for two months. I also plan on painting a background painting for my twitter, Facebook, and this blog’s header, to join all my sites together. I’m looking forward to these things, I just don’t want to start the day. Yet, the day has to start so I will start it now.

Now onto this past week.

I am still trying to get back into the swing of things and getting back on my schedule with writing and creating. I did write some, but my television shows dragged me into a state of unproductive behavior. I still did write a poem and made sure that there was a post every day.  Most of the posts were left over from my vacation, but I still edited them this week and posted them.

This next week should be interesting since I will be recording so many poetry readings and videos today, that I’m excited to do. I am also excited because starting this week the DreamWard Bound series will become more useful. I am going to  stop posting every video that I make on this blog and have this blog focused on my writing more. Instead I will post the videos I did during the week here, under “the list of things I posted this week,” or whatever I decide to call my recap list that week. This change will free up some of my time and organize this blog.

If you have watched all my videos on this blog, you can still check to see if I posted things here. You will just have to look under my twitter or Facebook page, which is now on the side menu bar. You can also follow me on either one using those widgets. The twitter one you simply have an extra step of clicking on my name then you can click follow, if you are logged into twitter. I typically use them to post announcements of my videos being posted on YouTube (which you can also follow me on).

 

List of things I posted this week.

Where Magic May Grow
Plane Poem
Mindless Monologue
Out The Window
Intro To YouTube