What Happened This Week- DreamWard Bound

success

What happened this week? What did I do?

It seems like a long week, packed with work and social media. I have reasons for feeling like this week was focused on social media and the internet. I took a webinar, my improv troupe created social media accounts, and I am starting a new project that requires accounts. There are reasons why you have not heard about the new accounts that I helped set up and will be working with.

The improv troupe is still getting the promotional information up. We should be tweeting and posting later this week. When we do I will be retweeting and sharing posts.

The other project still needs some definition and to be smoothed out. It also needs images or at least a logo. When we have everything ready for that I will also be retweeting and sharing posts. I will also be talking about it more and giving you details.

In general I am going to try to be more social on social media. I am going to try to share more things that I think are interesting and basically just be more active. I learned a lot of tips while taking Amy Jo Berman’s  webinar about social media. I also had a few smiles when I realized I am doing some things right.

That being said once this site is on the right server I will be changing my site up. It will have 3 distinct areas. Each are will have its own feel and aspect of myself. This means that when you go to the home page there will be 3 sections to choose from (Actor, Author, and Artist). I will have the most recent blog post on the home page, but everything else will be under one of the other aspects. This way I can represent myself more clearly and fully. It is exciting to be making changes, but it will also be a lot of work.

Looking back on this post, it seems like a lot of it was what will happen. I promise I did do things. It takes work to set up awesomeness and I believe that all that is being set up now will be great.

I only have one link for you today. I only posted my weekly writing prompt

To A Dream Or Future

poetry

Whether you be a dream or future friend I care not.
Just the thought and hope of you
brings my heart to a new light.
You breathe love to my art.
So stay a fantasy or walk in my life,
My beloved either way
will cause my soul to strive to grow.

 

This is another little short break time poem. What do you think of it? How do you like the voice of the poem?

My Nightmare Mind Box

writing

My mind is a box, lately, that I am trapped inside. My optimism says there must be a door, a window, or a hidden way out. I don’t see one. All I see are wall entrapping myself in my mind causing me to be unable to do much of anything I would consider being me.

To the left is the security of my day job, creating a thick time-consuming wall. To the right is my obligations and my bills stacked as high as my job with no holes to escape from. Behind me is my past failures, current fears, and reminders that the future can not be known. There is a reason my back is towards that wall, by focusing on that wall I would sit down, stop fighting and accept the box I’m in. Above me, on the ceiling of this box are all the people, careers, and talents that I compare myself to. I place them above me, although I am the only me. Below me are all my ideas trapped under glass in a cloudy stew of tar and mire. Still I know they’re there, just like a mother knows her baby. In front of me are painting of could-be’s, maybe’s, and the future if I only live my current life . I know there are keys to unlock each painting, except for the immanent future, that one does not need a key. The keys to my dream futures are unknown, lost or far from me. I do not believe they are in this box. All I can do is stand and look at the pretty pictures hoping and looking for at least one key.

Perhaps breaking the glass under my feet will lead to a key.

My End Goals And Dreams

dreamer

I mentioned in this week’s DreamWard Bound post that I was going to sit down and revise not only my goals but my dreams or end goals. I wanted to start from scratch and figure out where I actually want to go from where I am.

I have done this at least one other time and I do not believe I shared the entire thing that I wrote about my goals and dreams. I have big dreams and sometimes I wonder if I share them if that will hurt my  chances of getting them. Well, more and more I am realizing that dreams are just goals without actionable steps being taken. My dreams might be larger than my life, but I do have small steps to walk towards them. I am creating goals for my life to bring me to my dreams.

Since my ideas of dreams and goals have changed, I would like to share with you my end goal and what I imagine my perfect life to be. I am not saying that my life will be perfect. It will just be perfectly suited for me. I know there will be hard times and sacrifices that I must make along the way, but it will be worth it.

Here you go.

Goals and Dreams:

Where do I start? In my dreams I am a happy artist.

My main focus is writing and acting. I wake up early most days and work long hours when I am on set. I am warm and friendly to both cast and crew. People Enjoy working with me. I work on either faith-based of sci-fi/ fantasy based movies or television shows portraying strong women, dorky side kicks, independent women or other roles that break false images of women or Christians. My main focus with acting is to shine the light of God’s love and the strength he gives his daughters. I want mainstream media to stop putting down or giving a false image of Christian women.

I want to be a part of a movement where we bring Christian morals back to entertainment and art. I want to help people see that Christianity is about loving each other and God’s love. I want to show and teach people that religion for religion’s sake is wrong, but a loving relationship with God is the way to live. He is the one who can save the world and he is the reason for love. Jesus came to the world not to condemn it but to save it and the world should know that. I want to help the world learn that kind of love.

Sorry for that little rant. Let me continue with the other areas of my future life.

I have a fan base that feels comfortable around me and who I actually help. They find support along with a distant friend in me.

I am more than an actor though. I also write and publish books. I have my blog, but my books are my main writing focus and means of income as far as writing is concerned.

I also work towards crossing 1 item off my bucket list each year.

When I am not writing or acting I want to be training BJJ or even another martial art. I want to be able to learn from every aspect of my life and use it towards acting, writing or any other art form I may take up. BJJ helps me prepare for fight scenes and give me confidence and friendship. My end goal with BJJ is to be physically healthy, able to protect myself, and perhaps even become a black belt.

For my family I imagine that I am close and talk often to both my real family and my church family. I know that they will always be there for me and they support me the best way they can. I want to be able to support them also with the needs they have. I also want to become as open as possible with each and every family member, creating relationships with no walls.

I know that I can do all this because I am focused on God. He is the only way that I will stay on track. I will grow my relationship with him daily either by prayer, podcasts, books, sermons, audio-books or conversations directed towards God.

My goals that I have are as follows:

Spiritual: In order to focus on God more fully I will not watch tv or YouTube, unless with friends or it’s teaching on God, for the next 3 months (until September 13th) and with that extra time I will listen to a podcast or read a Biblical based book. This time will be focused on growing my understanding about God and exploring where he might be leading me.

 Relationship: I will tell one person that I love them every day for the next month (until July 13th) and try to start a conversation with them. I am doing this to strengthen my relationships and spread my love.

Physical: I am going to train BJJ at least 3 days and do bed-room workouts 2 other days every week. In addition I am going to eat 1 organic meal a week and at least 1 healthy meal every day. I will do this for the next month (until July 13th).

Editing: I will spend 30 hrs in the next 30 days editing my book (July 13th), keeping in mind that my new deadline for the second draft is November 1st.

Acting/ Writing: I will write 1 monologue a week and record at least 1 monologue a month. I will post every monologue that I record to YouTube to help grow my audience and receive feedback. I will do this for 3 months (until September 13th).

Getting Back To Being DreamWard Bound.

success

I yet again did not do too much focusing on being dreamward bound. My goals and working towards my future has fallen to the side line. At this moment my goals are not even where I can see them clearly. This is because I know I need to revise them and get them back up, but I’ve been lazy this week. Well, I’ve been lazy and a little obsessed with Once Upon A Time. It is such a neat show with great characters. Thankfully for my time management I finished all the episodes that I can watch.

I am going to refocus on my goals, now, and revise them so that I can yet again be on the road towards my dreams. It always seems hard to start the revision process and some times I don’t really do it. I am so far from even knowing where my heart’s goals lie that I might just start from scratch and revise my end/ all goals. What I mean by that is take the day and really think about how I want my future to be and what I should be focusing on. This will take more time than my normal tweaking of the dates, order, or time spent. Doing a full revision will take most of the day, if not all of it. Thankfully I have no plans for the day and only have Church tomorrow. I just need to stop being distracted and do it.

Okay, here I go. I am going to go spend the rest of the day organizing my dreams and life. I will leave you with the two posts I published this week.

Many Journeys (A Poem)

Weekly Writing Prompt

 

 

Many Journeys ( A Poem)

poetry
I walk multiple paths in life.
My life is a combination of journeys,
all taking place at the same time
all taking their own time.

I look at the journeys I walk
and try to see where I’ve been
to see where the path leads.
I look back to see where I’m going
seeing the past as hints to the future.

On one journey
I am an artist;
dancing towards acting
while I write my paintings,
soon I’ll sculpt my imagination
trying new ways to shine my mind,
but always keeping pen near paper
to pour my emotions out with ink.

On one journey
I walk and journey
alone and with friends.
We talk in the silence
and let the silence talk for itself,
with my voice starting soft
growing as I crawl along,
only being able to be heard
when I discover myself around a bend.
Then love like a flood starts to pour out
and I learn to love by loving;
I learn to be loved.

On one journey
I am alone.
friends beside me,
Family supporting behind me
and God leading ahead of me,
but no one of my own.
On this journey there is an air of not knowing.
not knowing,
Is this how it will always be?

I look at the journeys I walk
looking back to see where I’m going
seeing the past as hints to the future.
I see a loved artist,
a strong, loyal friend,
and a happily single adventurer.

Can We Just Say

poetry

Can we just say
that I’m not as shy as I am,
that your rejection wouldn’t crush me?
Can we just say
that I am not still broken,
that the past does not haunt me?
Can we just say
that I can just say everything that is needed,
that I am actually the person living in my mind?
Can we just say
we should try
and have that be that.

Please, can we just say,
or perhaps can you,
because for someone who has so much to say
I can’t just say.
all the things that I need to say;
like you showed me the depths I could study
and you opened my eyes
to a part of me that needed to breathe.
I need to say
that your smile glows your soul’s joy on your face
making me want to learn more about that soul of yours.
I need to say
that I may not be the strongest,
but I am pretty sure I am the bravest,
because fear of the past haunts me,
fear over rejection surrounds me,
and I am really just a scared little girl.
Yet, I still stand
and walk to my future.
I still smile and try to figure out what to say,
I still tell myself I can do the impossible,
I can smile and try.
Still I simply cannot say
all the things I need to say.

So, can you just say
that you do see what I cannot say?
Can we just say
that I can say
all the things that I need to say?
Can we just say,
anything at all to each other?

Letter to my future

writing

Dear Future,

I find myself asking, “Have I met you yet?” “Is my partner close by or is everything still up in the air?” “Are you close by, waiting for my eyes to open?”

I hope I have met you. My ideas of you would thrill me and dreams wider than I dared to dream seem to be dancing in my mind. Songs of could-be’s are being sung louder than the past whispered.

I can see how my steps and journey could lead me to the you I have in my mind. I can see my work and struggle finally paying off to bringing me to my favorite version of you.

A smile stretches my face when I think of the possibilities that tap their invisible fingers on my mind.

Partner or no partner, you future, will be mine and I will dream about you until you are here by my side.

Sincerely,

A Dreamer.

My Future

writing

I can see my future in gold, rising to platinum. I see the waves always at my door step, but never coming in. With peaceful chaos I live my perfectly crazy life, remembering to love and laugh even in the stressful hours, even when there is a storm outside. Because, there can be a hurricane outside, but my soul can find rest within the loving arms of the one who hung on the cross.

Yes I can see my future in gold, rising far above anything I have imagined. In my future I am draped with love and clothed with joy, wiping off fear and sorrow like mud that is flung. I know that all the pain, sorrow and fears that I may feel can be washed away and I will be made clean with love again.

I may not see my future with details and clarity, but I do see my future in gold and love.

 

This is another top search inspired writing thing. I really enjoyed a few of the top searches listed this past week, but was only able to jot them down as notes. The exact search was, “I can see my future in gold.”

Let me know what you think.

One Day Of Crazy

poetry

Can I be crazy for one day?
Is there a way to just let go,
To not care?
I don’t want to care
not today.
Please.

Let me be crazy
just for one day.
I will be sane tomorrow,
but I don’t want to be
not today.
I want to scream
when I feel like crying
and laugh
when I can’t find the tears.
I want to run
when I need to sleep
and hide
when I tell you to find me.

I want to be crazy
just for this one day.
I will find my normal,
well maybe I will find it;
let that be concern for another day.
Today I think I will be crazy.
Yes, today I am crazy.
I will be some one normal
in the future
when it is another day.

Paradox of Life (poetic random thoughts)

writing

I love my life
yet I fight for it to change.
I work towards my dreams
that may force my loved ones away.
I am happy with myself
but am always changing.

It’s like
the night wishing to be the day,
sunshine wishing to be the rain,
the light wishing to be darkness.

I strive to change
when there is no need.
I work towards a new life
when my own is wonderful.
It must be how I am wired
always looking for better
when I already have greatness
searching for more love
when love is already overflowing
and looking for sunshine
when there is not a cloud in the day’s sky.

Yes, I love my life
yet I fight for it to change.
I work towards my dreams
that may force my loved ones away.
I am happy with myself
but am always changing.

This is what is going on in my head right now. It’s part wondering and part simply realizing, I have a good life, yet I still am looking for more. 

Past never my Future

writing

I can see what people search for when they find my blog, or what they search for to find my blog. Today I saw a very cool sentence that I am sure is from something, but I’m not sure what it is from. I am going to use it as a writing prompt for this post. The quote is. “you can only narrate my past but you can never write my future.” 

I hope you enjoy.

You can narrate my past.
Please do,
and tell me all the things I went through.
Speak the words that you believe
the words that will add up to my story.
How do you see my life?
How will you narrate my past?

I ask you to narrate my past,
but you can never write my future.
I myself can only plan the unseen.
I do not write my story,
so you cannot either.
Let the future be
and tell me all about what has been.

Yes, You can narrate my past
but you can never write my future.
You can tell me my story,
but will not be able to force the unseen.

Tears (a monologue)

I’m going to try something new with my youtube channel when I get back from vacation. I will do more original things, like poetry readings, short storytelling, original monologues and maybe even scenes. You will my blog followers will get to read my stuff first and I will be reading the poems that get the most likes per week.

That being said the first original monologue that I will be doing when I get back is title “Tears.” I am hoping to put together an entire script with these different monologues, but I have to start some where, so here you go.

I broke down in tears today. I know you saw. I know you heard. I was praying to you to mend my broken and stressed heart. I was praying for a fix that would happen quick, when you whispered, “the work already has started and I already am doing my part.”

What more can I do? What more do you want, Lord? I cried out in pain, what is my part and where do I fit in? I am lost, angry, and tired of waiting around. Waiting for my real journey to begin. And I know you must have laughed at that because although I didn’t hear you over my crying and doubt I know you said my journey had already begun at the very start.

Look at how far you brought me, while I kicked and screamed. You carried me when I fought you, like a screaming baby all the way. You have great plans for me, or so I hear. They’re plans I do not see, so I scream. Yet, you will never let go of my heart even when I try to push you away.

My soul is a cranky child but you are always patient.I want the sugar and sweets of the world but you have given me the ability to reason instead. I never want to quit playing my own games but you put me to bed so I can rest. I want it all but you show me how. Yes, you show me myself and my life, past, present and future, when my tears come screaming out. So I thank you with dried tears under my eyes.

DreamWard Bound (5/11-5/17/14)

This week was a busy week for me. Two days this week I went straight to different social things after work and on Monday I went to the DMV and an open house before work, which meant I had to work late. By Friday night I was exhausted, so of course Friday was one of the days I went straight out. I also had an event to go to this morning. I am not complaining about my busy week. It is just a lead in and explanation why this weeks goals mean more than most.

Even with my busy week I found time to be creative and read. I hardly watched television and practiced more of my monologue, that I will record tomorrow (in between serving at my church’s two services).

I also think I figured out a new fitness plan. I will take 2 fifteen minute walks a day during my work day and I will eat healthier. I also realized that it is better to do weight lost, since it is a more definite  tracking. After I lose 10 lbs I will get a new outfit, so the reward will be the same and the method is almost the same, but the tracking and when/ how I exercise is different.

I don’t have too much else to write. This week was more focused on living where I am at right now, rather than focused on the future and goals. I still meant most of my goals. I am becoming more relaxed with tracking my goals, yet I am still meeting them.

3/28 to 4/4 (DreamWard Bound)

It amazes me at all that is happening in my life right now. It may seem small to an outsider, but it is changing me. I am feeling more confident with the direction of my life.

One of the small things was that I saw a friend’s premier film (Redux). You see this film is his first major film and I was blown away with it. If last week’s mishaps taught me to guard myself and that untalented script writers are out there, this week taught me that there is talent and trustworthy people filming movies. I already knew that my friend was good at filming and that he was a good person. Seeing his movie taught me that talent, skill and being a trustworthy person does not come with age, but hard work and a mind that wants to learn.

Another thing that happened this week was that I declined a day job, because I was offered a better one.  After three months of not working and trying to figure out life this was a major relief.  Being able to pick between two jobs is new to me, but it was an easy choice. I chose the one where I will be able to fund my art, work with friends, and have a cool job.  The other awesome thing with this is that I will be starting Monday.

I am doing this recap of my week in chronological order, so this is not bigger than my job. It just happened later in the week. I went to two music shows this week. I saw Beats Antique and Emancipator.  They both were awesome shows and I found a new band to follow (Slow Magic). Beats Antique was my favorite out of the two. I enjoyed Emancipator’s show it was simply Beats Antique was theatrical, amazing and awesome.  It was a stunning show that I was not expecting.

I also started to record readings of my poems. I hope to have all my poems recorded in the future.

This post may not seem focused towards living my dream or trying to but trust me it is to me.  You see watching Redux showed me I can be who I am in the film industry and have my films mean something. Getting a job will be a step to funding the films I want to make. Going to a show inspired me to be my type of artist and allowed me to release emotions in a different way. Also, going with my friend, Kateland, taught me a little more about being friendly and at least trying to be extroverted at times, which is needed in networking. And recording my poems, well that’s just another way to get my name out there.

Now, things I learned this week is:

  1. There is good film makers around
  2. I may have to have a non-art job, but that does not mean it has to be a lame non-art job.
  3. People like nice people and I can show them I am a nice person… I can actually talk to strangers, even though I may not like to.

success

Space-Riders: In the Ship (#3)

Space-Riders

#3

Otto, took his place in the pilot’s seat on the control deck with Zio taking a seat next to him as a co-pilot. “Do you have a flight program installed?” Otto asked.

“I have simple flying software installed. I should be able to help you fly the ship, but am not capable of flying a ship by myself.”

Otto nodded and started the engine. He would be able to fly his new LiBatto XZ952 space-ship, that he had named Aimi. Captain Otto smiled once her engines started up. Each engine made its own purring sound and Otto smiled grew as each of the 10 engines turned on.

Neither of them noticed the lady standing behind them. She was sitting against the wall and completed camouflaged. Her face and torso matched the wall completely and her lower half blended into the seat. Even when Zio looked around, he did not see her sitting there.

Once the ship was up in the air and heading to the next planet they were suppose to go to, the camouflaged lady started to snack on the chocolate covered raisins, she had bought in the town they had just left from.

The ride was smooth and uneventful until Otto punched in the coordinates of the planet where he was planning to pick up his first shipment using Aimi. The camouflaged lady had already visited Patarex, the planet Otto set as the destination, and had an almost lethal experience. She shook her head and the ship diverted from its path. Instead of heading toward Patarex it started to go in the opposite direction.

This confused both Otto and Zio. They both tried to work on a solution, but after 2 hours of trouble shooting and trying to turn the ship around they were defeated. All of the ship’s information and itinerary said they were going to Patarex.

Aimi, the ship was clever, she knew that the camouflaged lady did not want to be found out, but also knew that the others on the ship would not give up trying to turn her around unless she displayed what they wanted to see. She was not given a new location, so searched the universe for another planet, solar system or galaxy with the same name. She found a solar system named Patarex far away from the planet the captain wanted to go to and set her path.

 

Dream Fighting Reality

My dreams danced away together
from my very own reality;
like ballerinas trapped within my mind.
They danced away so I could not find
the love I wanted,
the love I wish was mine.

Yes my dreams slowly danced away
when reality told me he was here to stay.
But he seems to have strayed
because here comes my dreams on this new day.

My dreams once again dance near by
as I force my reality to be mine.
Because this fight for what is right
was is fair and what must be
has left a whole inside me.
So, I fight to keep my dreams
and fight to change my reality.

Being led.

Calm the calamity in my mind,

Because I know you’re here.

And, I know I’m right.

This path may look

the wrong way,

seem to go no way,

a dead-end

or have a brick wall in the way.

Yet, this path is

the one I’m on,

the one you lead me down,

the right road for me,

so I will walk this path

that some think leads no where.

Because I know

I will get where I going

and know that I’m being led.

Bird or fish?

Staring at the valleys

the mountains

the depths and the sea

I thought I could fly

but held my wings back.

If I jump will I fall down

into the dark sea below

drowning in a new world

I do not know,

Or will I become

a fish in the great unknown?

Am I a bird or a fish?

Can you tell me, please

or is it something for me learn,

to find out,

for me to decide?

Maybe never

I woke up with this poem in my head. It was much better when I recited in my bed. Still I hope you enjoy it.

Maybe Never

I may never be famous

never travel world,

or see grand adventures,

never rule the world

with my smiling eyes,

or see the future that I dream,

never dance with a mate;

love may remain a faded memory.

My dreams may remain far away

as far away as my one may remain.

Nothing may go right in my life.

I may fall far,

down to the depth of despair.

Yet, I will try,

still strive,

for the dreams that live in my mind,

to share the love in my heart,

to give help or a smile to those in need.

Yes, I may never know

everything that I wish to be

but in no world

in no way

will I say I did not try,

did not wish or dream.