I realized that the act of being told I deserved my dream guy, by someone who at the time I had hoped somehow would become him, was the start of something. It was a starting point and a start of a change. I realized I did have a dream guy in my head and an ideal, but it was hard to see him falling for who I was.
I was a dreamer living primarily in my dream world, wondering why it didn’t match reality. I dreamed about being a famous actor, but did nothing with my degree. I had dreams of being a paid author but only doodled down ideas and circular story plots. I even dreamed of my dream guy rescuing me from my ordinary life and whisking me away to my dreams.
Realizing my dream guy, whoever he was, would not think of me as his dream girl was the best thing that happened to me. It brought me into reality or really it helped bring me into reality. It helped me wake up and notice that this life I was living was mine.
I realized I needed to save myself from my ordinary life. I needed to do the work and not wait for someone to hand me my dreams. I started to write and focus my writing. I started to make goals and choices that would help me find my dreams.
I finally wrote a first draft of a novel that wasn’t just me dreaming. I started to look for and practice monologues in hopes that I would find at least one that would click well with me. Basically I started to do stuff to become my dream person.
You see I also realized I wasn’t my dream self. I needed to become her to find my happiness. I needed to be the strong hard worker with the joyful and friendly personality that my dream self was.
I know I still have improvements to make and goals that still need to be met, but I am happy most of the time and so much closer to becoming my dream self.
I mean it may seem like my dreams aren’t made and it’s true my main dreams aren’t. However, I act in my improv group which reminds me why I love acting and I get to act almost every week. I write at least 2 times a week and people read my words. On average there are 100 visits to my site every week. Also, I’m surround with so many loving friends and family members that although I haven’t met my dream guy, yet, I still know I’m loved. These people are my dream people. They are such a loving and uplifting group of people, who I get to be around or talk with. It’s like I have an expert on every issue I could have, and I have at least one person to talk out any need that I have.
And, honestly, when I do meet my dream guy I’ll happily live in this world with him, instead of hoping for a dream one, because even though this life is hard I wouldn’t change it. I guess I did find my dream world after all, it just was not what I was expecting.